
I'm a classic yo yo dieter I'm either loosing weight or gaining, when I'm good I'm very very good but when I'm bad I'm a bloater!
I recently lost nearly 50lbs following a (quite frankly unpleasant) liquid diet. Desperation and depression lead me there and I have to say it felt great to have lost all that weight, but as we all know in our hearts (even when we are living off 4 packs of powder a day, eating no carbs, starving whatever your desperate head tells you will be the one that works!) I just couldn't maintain the hideous regime I was subjecting myself to and fell off the wagon!
And when I fall it is from a great height and I fall on my (now much bigger) behind!
I suppose I always felt bigger then the other girls, even though when I look back I actually wasn't!
I have quite literally manifested in myself what I thought I was (belief is a powerful thing!)
As I got older (and bigger!) I have always smiled for the camera, acted as though I was happy and developed a wicked sense of humour so even if I was fat and ugly at least I was funny!

See I could put on a good act!
I actually felt hideous, that purple dress was bought only 2 days before the event in desperation because I couldn't find anything I actually wanted to wear that would fit! I felt so uncomfortable!
When I got engaged I started to panic, I went with my Mum and Aunt to try dresses and found it an upsetting experience! All of the dresses are in tiny sizes and the some of the women that work in those places are evil! I was told 'I can get you something that will fit you' and 'well at least you have something to work towards now' there were many bitten lips and a few tears I can tell you!
That said I did find a brilliant shop where they put me at ease and I chose a beautiful gown.
I wasn't going to go through that again so I lost nearly 4 stones (on that famous liquid diet!) before I had to go to be measured!
This is me when I had probably starved down to my smallest in a tiny dress!

When summer came, and the wedding plans went, and I never got to wear the dress I lost control, and have managed (it is quite a feat I know!) to have put back at least half of what I lost, nothing fits and I feel hideous again! (god knows why we call it comfort eating when it make you feel so uncomfortable!)
So I'm back where I started really except this time I'm sadder because I had done so well and have let myself down, this time I avoid cameras because I hate what I see. But this time I am determined to do it properly, no drastic, desperate measures, just good old fashioned eat less, move more!
I have decided to follow the Slimming World plan and as luck would have it class is on a Wednesday, so it fits in perfectly with the blog schedule! Wasn't that nice of them?
So I will be back next week and I will have a loss to report!
Lots of Love
