Wednesday, 14 October 2009

Weight Loss Wednesday

After reading Victoria and Rose's posts week by week I have finally bitten the bullet and joined in with 'Weight Loss Wednesday' at Rosey Little Things

I'm a classic yo yo dieter I'm either loosing weight or gaining, when I'm good I'm very very good but when I'm bad I'm a bloater!
I recently lost nearly 50lbs following a (quite frankly unpleasant) liquid diet. Desperation and depression lead me there and I have to say it felt great to have lost all that weight, but as we all know in our hearts (even when we are living off 4 packs of powder a day, eating no carbs, starving whatever your desperate head tells you will be the one that works!) I just couldn't maintain the hideous regime I was subjecting myself to and fell off the wagon!

And when I fall it is from a great height and I fall on my (now much bigger) behind!

I suppose I always felt bigger then the other girls, even though when I look back I actually wasn't!
I have quite literally manifested in myself what I thought I was (belief is a powerful thing!)
As I got older (and bigger!) I have always smiled for the camera, acted as though I was happy and developed a wicked sense of humour so even if I was fat and ugly at least I was funny!

See I could put on a good act!

I actually felt hideous, that purple dress was bought only 2 days before the event in desperation because I couldn't find anything I actually wanted to wear that would fit! I felt so uncomfortable!

When I got engaged I started to panic, I went with my Mum and Aunt to try dresses and found it an upsetting experience! All of the dresses are in tiny sizes and the some of the women that work in those places are evil! I was told 'I can get you something that will fit you' and 'well at least you have something to work towards now' there were many bitten lips and a few tears I can tell you!
That said I did find a brilliant shop where they put me at ease and I chose a beautiful gown.
I wasn't going to go through that again so I lost nearly 4 stones (on that famous liquid diet!) before I had to go to be measured!
This is me when I had probably starved down to my smallest in a tiny dress!

When summer came, and the wedding plans went, and I never got to wear the dress I lost control, and have managed (it is quite a feat I know!) to have put back at least half of what I lost, nothing fits and I feel hideous again! (god knows why we call it comfort eating when it make you feel so uncomfortable!)

So I'm back where I started really except this time I'm sadder because I had done so well and have let myself down, this time I avoid cameras because I hate what I see. But this time I am determined to do it properly, no drastic, desperate measures, just good old fashioned eat less, move more!

I have decided to follow the Slimming World plan and as luck would have it class is on a Wednesday, so it fits in perfectly with the blog schedule! Wasn't that nice of them?

So I will be back next week and I will have a loss to report!

Lots of Love


Michela said...

You're so beautiful, I didn't notice any problem when I met you!
Good luck Kel, hope you can reach happiness very soon!

Polka Dot Moon said...

You are a beautiful person! Your smile is infectious and you have such a big heart!!!

YUCK to those horrible diets! Have you noticed how miserable people are when they are starving themselves.

Connie said...

Kelly my darling, you are BEAUTIFUL, its not the outside its the inside, look at me, you could always have my fuddy duddy clothes lol. Its nice to hear that you are doing it for you and not someone else and that is the first hurdle, what ever size you are or get to I LOVE YOU my Angle hugs and kisses xxxxxx

Sophie - Chez Sophie said...

Well done Kelly, good luck with your new adventure at Slimming world. I to am a yoyo dieter, and at the moment am not focused enough to get back to ww. Hopefully once we have moved offices next week I will have the motivation to get back to it. You are beautiful, funny and a great bloggy friend. top tip for sw would be that quorn has no sins.
Love Sophie xxxx

Lucy Pursglove-Jones said...

I think you look great but I know if you're in 'that' mindset (I know cause I've been there) then you won't believe me. I've been 7st up to 17st and all the weights in between but I only got at a decent weight when I stopped dieting! I read a book that helped. I'm certainly no one to preach though, that's the last thing one needs when one isn't happy with ones figure! So I won't go on and on but if you ever want a link to the book, let me know.
All the best of luck with your goals and thanks for all your lovely comments on my blog :)
Have a great week, Kelly. Xx

Kissed by an Angel said...

You look lovely to me!! I know you say it's about how you feel, all the same you look great in all the photos!!!!!


Florence and Mary said...

Glad you joined WLW hun! It's really helped me doing my posts, you know how I struggle to keep focussed.

SW is much better for you!

And always remember I love you whatever just want you smiling

Victoria xx

Cally said...

Good Luck Kelly,
I KNOW just how you feel .I was tempted by a liquid diet too until I spoke to someone on it and they just semed SO sad!!
I do sometimes wonder if we should just stop punishing ourselves and accept ourselves- love handles and all!
Your blog is great and I will follow progress.Wishing you well.
Callys Cottage

roseylittlethings said...

Very nice to see written down what we all feel when we are heavier. Glad you have joined us! Have a great week!

Sophee-a Laroo Bijoux and Sheri too said...

Way to go...thanks for such an honest post.

I honestly believe the media plays s a BIG role in how we see ourselves. We never think we are good enough and WE ARE SO MUCH MORE THEN OUR WEIGHT!!

If they would actually focus on the average Woman...there would be a lot less eating disorders out there.

You are gorgeous....believe it. We are so much harder on ourselves. Enjoy all the positive in your life..Stay away from the liquid diets~too depriving.

Best of luck on your new plan.....Cheering you on :)

Suzie Button said...

Hi there, I see Victoria there in your picture, so you're friends! I first met Victoria when we were Wizard of Oz swap partners! These up and downs with weight are a bummer, I've dealt with them really since I hit puberty! Now I'm 47 and it's harder than ever, but you're beautiful no matter what weight you are! You look to have great friends in your pictures so you've got a lot of support, so if you want to lose weight, I'm sure you will! Suzie

lemonade kitty said...

I agree with everyone you're a VERY pretty girl. Good luck with the slimming world it's the best diet because you need never feel hungry, Since having a "hysterialectomy" haha I've put on a stone so maybe I'll join you... but not today as I've a big tin of biscuits to eat...Thanks for your lovely comments on my blog love Lucey x

Jilly said...

My darling Kelly, not matter what your size you are never every ugly, you are one of the prettiest girls I know, large or small, you have the most beautiful face,so don't ever let me hear you say you are ugly. Love you no matter what.
Tante xx

Anonymous said...

Hi Dude,

I can totally relate to weight loss/gain cycle - have been there so often myself!

I guess no matter what we do or how much we try to kid ourselves, nothing really works other than sensible eating and getting off our (ever growing) backsides every now and then instead of sitting in front of the tv eating crisps and galaxy bars - after a giant kebab or curry... yum, doesn't that sound like fun (the choc and the curry, not the sensible eating and the exercise lol)!

You know how much I like my cake too, and I've kinda dealt with the fact I will never be a stick insect now, but realise that being the weight I am (or maybe a few pounds lighter lol) is actually relatively normal, that I don't want to starve for the rest of my life to be a stone lighter, and that being "fat" & "ugly" is largely a state of mind as well as a state of body.

You are such a lovely person that it is so sad to hear you feel the way you do about yourself. I hope you manage to get to a size you feel happy with, and in a way that allows you to at least eat some stuff! I think we were all a bit worried when you were on lighter life... Not eating CANNOT be good for you at all!

Rose XXX

Happy @/*-*\@ said...

I am so glad I have found you Kelly - my life sounds much like yours, except I am older and wiser! One day you will wake up and not care what peeps think of you, and wonder why you wasted all that time worrying - coz life hon is just too short! enjoy every day as if it was your last! whether you are bigger or smaller, spending time worrying about what you look like is wasted! you are a very attractive girl...start believing in yourself honey :)

But good luck in your new venture and NEVER put off your life to the full whatever size you are...I do! xx

Love happy xx

LoloDesigns said...

Hi Kelly
Just catching up on my blog reading when I saw this post and wanted to pop in and wish you lots of luck with your new healthy eating regime. Please don't go too small though and remember it's so much what size we are but how healthy we are ;o) hugs xx